TRANSCRIPT
Featuring Helen McCabe and Alex Bunton
Steph Hunt:
Helen and Alex, a very warm welcome to both of you. It’s so great to have you on.
Helen McCabe:
Thank you.
Alex Bunton:
Yeah, it’s great to be here, Steph. Thank you for being interested in this topic.
Steph:
Of course.
Helen, I’ll start with you. Congratulations on season two of There’s No Place Like Home. It’s an award-winning podcast by Future Women, and I’m really excited to hear it’s back.
What can you tell us about this second season?
Helen McCabe
Thank you, Steph.
As a content person first and foremost, you’re always interested in the policy and the problems and amplifying and telling those stories.
What we really challenged ourselves to do was present this in a way that’s super engaging and listenable, but also informative — and to treat the stories of victim-survivors in an incredibly respectful, honest, ethical way.
We won Podcast of the Year with the first series.
But this second season is fundamentally different.
It’s less about real-life survivor stories and more about the red flags.
One thing we understand much better now is non-physical abuse and violence — how overwhelming and insidious it is.
It’s at epidemic proportions.
This is for people who might have that nagging feeling that the relationship they’re in isn’t quite right and are looking for resources and information from people who can tell them the truth.
But just as importantly, it’s for friends, family, neighbours — anyone watching these things and wondering:
This doesn’t feel quite right.
We’re giving people the tools and support to ask the right questions when the time is right.
Steph:
Because abuse doesn’t always look like cuts and bruises, does it?
Can you give us examples before we chat with Alex?
Helen
Absolutely.
There’s:
Love bombing
Isolation
Technical surveillance
Gaslighting
Financial abuse
Love bombing is that relationship that feels incredibly intense right at the beginning. It feels amazing, but it’s unusual.
That’s often a technique of a future abuser — showering a partner with gifts and attention, creating intense emotional dependence before isolating them.
Isolation starts subtly. By the time you realise what’s happened, you look around and there’s no one there.
I once interviewed a very famous woman who said it was like she got to the end of a jetty and there was no one there to help her.
Gaslighting makes you think you’re going crazy.
And technical surveillance is one of the most alarming newer forms. You’re having private conversations with friends or family, and suddenly your partner knows things they shouldn’t possibly know.
And then there’s financial abuse — where your money is controlled, you’re given an allowance, or made to feel guilty about spending.
Alex’s Story
Steph:
Alex, you so generously share your story on the podcast.
You were a professional basketballer. You met your perpetrator at the height of your career — fresh off a World Cup silver medal — but also at a vulnerable point personally.
Can you tell us your story?
Alex Bunton
Yeah.
It was the top of my career, but also the beginning of the end professionally.
I was struggling physically. I knew retirement was coming.
I’d also recently gone through a breakup.
I was vulnerable — not searching for someone to “fix” things, but open to new experiences and wanting something to shine light into my life again.
When I met him, it happened quickly.
It felt like everything I wanted, all at once.
And I describe it as not having time to rationalise it.
Every doubt I had was answered perfectly.
Every question was answered perfectly.
Looking back, I can see I was absolutely taken advantage of.
Steph:
When did it change? When did you know you had to leave?
Alex
There were so many moments where something felt wrong.
But I doubted myself.
I had this nagging feeling, but I didn’t know it was abuse.
I’d pushed my family away. I’d pushed my friends away.
I had no perspective.
And because I’d always handled things — in life, in basketball, in relationships — I thought I should be able to handle this too.
It didn’t really hit me until I was pregnant, on my birthday, and he drained my bank account.
That was the moment.
Everything hit at once.
I just thought:
I can’t do this anymore.
And I called the police.
Steph:
I’m so sorry that happened. On your birthday.
Alex
Yeah.
I’d retired, and he was using my money.
That morning I just wanted to get a pedicure. Just a small treat.
I checked my account and it was gone.
I felt ashamed.
Like I’d already failed as a mother and I hadn’t even given birth yet.
But then I turned it around and thought:
If this feels like my fault, then I can make it better.
That anger gave me the strength to act.
The Recovery
Steph:
Calling the police — was that the end?
Alex
No.
It was like the door opened a little.
I still felt like I was doing the wrong thing.
Even telling the truth felt like lying because I’d been made to doubt myself so deeply.
It took months.
Talking to police, victim-survivors, domestic violence services — hearing facts helped.
That logical perspective helped break the emotional tie.
And eventually I realised:
What I was doing was okay.
Helen on Coercive Control
Helen:
What Alex describes is exactly what coercive control looks like.
We used to think domestic violence only meant physical violence.
Now we know abuse can go right up to that line — and often tip over it.
And the damage is devastating.
It destroys families and lives.
Alex had support structures around her and still felt she was doing the wrong thing.
Imagine if you’re isolated in a country town with kids and nowhere to go.
That’s why awareness matters so much.
On Shame
Steph:
Alex, you mentioned shame.
Why do you think that was so strong?
Alex
Because I was this strong, independent woman.
Elite athlete. Successful.
And then behind closed doors, something horrible was happening.
That shame makes you hide.
It makes you feel alone.
And then judgment feels unbearable.
It layers and layers.
That’s what makes it so hard to leave.
Advice for Others
Steph:
What’s your advice for anyone who might be in a similar situation?
Alex
Listen to that feeling that tells you something is wrong.
Trust your gut.
Reach out however you can.
Read something. Watch something. Listen to a podcast.
Take one step.
It doesn’t have to be huge.
But trust yourself.
Because that feeling is usually telling you something important.
Helping a Loved One
Helen:
And if you suspect someone you love is experiencing this:
Don’t judge.
Don’t say, “Why don’t you just leave?”
That’s the most unhelpful thing you can say.
Instead, let them know:
“I’m here for you.”
“You can talk to me.”
“I’ll respect your confidentiality.”
Sometimes that safe space is everything.
Alex
That’s exactly right.
When my mum finally just listened — didn’t judge, didn’t push — that was everything.
That safety gave me room to find my own way out.
Closing
Steph:
Helen and Alex, thank you both so much.
Alex, thank you for sharing your story so generously.
Alex:
Thank you for giving me the opportunity.
Helen:
You’re changing lives by being brave enough to tell it.
Steph:
And again, a reminder:
If you have experienced or are at risk of domestic and family violence and/or sexual assault, you can call the National Counselling Service, 1800RESPECT.
